Funny Jokes
Surgeons
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.” The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.” The third said, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.” The fourth one said, “I like to operate on lawyers. They’re heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangeable.”
Darling
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
“John,” the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”
The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”
Smartest Dog
A chemical engineer, an accountant and a government worker are arguing about who has the smartest dog. The engineer calls his dog and says “Liter, do your stuff.” Liter goes to the lab, grabs a beaker in his mouth, sets it on the floor, grabs a pitcher of water and pours exactly four ounces of water into the beaker, without spilling a drop.The accountant smiles and says, “Good, but watch this. He calls his dog and says,” Abacus, do your stuff”. Abacus goes to the kitchen, pulls out a bag of cookies, opens it and counts out six, which he arranges on a piece of paper, without breaking or eating any. The government worker sneers and yells out “Coffee Break, go for it.”
Coffee Break come in, eats the cookies, drinks the milk, takes a dump on the paper, sexually molests the other dogs, complains that in doing so has strained his back, lodges a hazardous working conditions complaint, files for disability and goes home on sick leave.
First Offense
The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs.
“Now don’t let me ever see your face again,” said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go.
“I’m afraid I can’t promise that, sir,” said the released man.
“And why not?”
“Because I’m the barman at your regular pub!”