Funny Jokes
Contraceptive Pills
The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.
“Please, you have to come right over,” pleaded the distraught young mother. “My child has swallowed a contraceptive.” The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again.
“You don’t have to come over after all,” the woman said with a sigh of relief. “My husband just found another one.”
Super Computer
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks.
Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, “There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You’ll have to get rid of that coffee.”
The officer said meekly, “Sure, but why?”
“Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard.”
A CEO Speech
The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention so he asked one of his employees, Jenkins, to write him a punch, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.
“What’s the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?”, he demanded. “Half the audience walked out before I finished.” Jenkins was baffled. “I wrote you a 20-minute speech,” he replied. “I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for.”
Lotto Ticket
A guy comes home after losing a lot of money, playing golf.
A few minutes later his wife comes home from work with a new fur coat.
Her husband says “Hey how did you get this?” She says that her boss won the lotto and this is her share. This happens a few times, first the coat and then a car and then jewelry etc. One night the wife gets home really tired out and asks her husband to run her bath, which he then does. But only fills it up an inch.
She gets in and says to him “Why did you put in so little water?”
“Well, WE DON’T WANT YOUR LOTTO TICKET GETTING WET NOW DO WE?!”